In case anyone noticed I have been MIA...

I've been in quite the blogging funk lately. Between watching BB and spending time with Hailie most of the free time I've had to myself I have been playing WoW instead of blogging.

I've been a bad blog friend and not read either.

I'm taking a break.. probably another week or so.

I will be back, with brand new stuff.

Have fun without me..

Confessions...

Tagged by the lovely Emma for this confessions meme.

Confession #1 - I am afraid of heights. It's bad.. When I was little I used to lay down on the seat when we drove over bridges. Driving has helped calm that some. I will never forget sitting on the Mississippi River bridge in Baton Rouge during rush hour - and feeling to bridge sway.

Confession #2 - I have become addicted to WoW (World of Warcraft.) Enough said on this one. I've been up until 2 every night playing.

Confession # 3 - I LOVE LOVE LOVE wings. Particularly boneless from Pizza Hut. Yum. Wingstop, and Buffalo Wild Wings are yummy too. I would eat them every day if I could.

Confession # 4 - I love Funyuns. You know the chips. Like I could sit and eat an entire bag in about 30 minutes. I'm not even kidding. Anthony limits how often I can get them. Definitely not good for me!

Confession #5 - I am afraid of the dark. I will not sleep without some sort of light on. Anything from our lamp or television was on most nights. I did this throughout high school too. I've had to learn to turn everything off now - especially to conserve electricity.

(I'm running out of confessions!!!!)

Confession # 6 - I hate doctors and more than anything I hate getting blood drawn. Anything to do with needles is terrifying. I avoided the dentist for God knows how long.


Confession # 7 - We are having pizza and wings for dinner because we didn't go to the grocery store. Enough said.

Not tagging anyone - but if you participate please leave a comment so I can check them out!!

The PERFECT mom..

Before I became a stay at home mom one of my coworkers always found a way to make me feel like I was the worst mom ever.

You know the type. She was a mom to 2. Her house was spotless. She cooked dinner every night. She never lost her temper with her kids. They were HER LIFE.

In our house A does A LOT. I've been blessed that my husband and I share a lot of things. Like in our house I NEVER do the dishes. I can handle poop all over the child and crib. I can handle puke. But food on plates or anything like that in the sink? Not so much. We don't use a dishwasher so it's not that easy. Keeping the kitchen clean is his responsibility - although I do help when I can. In fact, he does most of the cooking in our house. I did not inherit that gene from my mom and grandma - who both are awesome cooks. I'm all about simple. I can be lazy.

My house is never spotless.. We can clean a room and within a day or so it's a mess again. I don't think my house will ever be spotless. There are always clothes on the floor in our bedroom.. Hailie's toys are everywhere in the house. I would rather spend my time playing with my child and doing just about anything else other than cleaning.

And for my temper? Many times I have to walk out of the room to count so I don't yell at her. I get so unbelievably frustrated when she gets into everything. her latest thing to drive me crazy? Climbing up on one of the desk chairs and getting on top of the desk. I admit I have yelled at her, and I always feel so bad afterwards.

It was my husband that told me later I couldn't let her get to me. I may not be the typical mom and may be far from the perfect parent, but our house is full of lots of love and hugs and kisses. She's a happy and incredibly smart kid. She brightens our world..

So typical mom I am not. Perfect mom I am not.

I know who I am though and that's the most important thing.

My house may never be spotless. I may never learn to cook. I may lose my temper with my kid when she drives me crazy.

You know what though?

It's okay.

Naps!

It's a rainy and absolutely dreary day. I love it!

H and I will be staying home today and enjoying a day of cuddling and just playing. Daddy will be home earlier than normal too - so it will be the whole family.

We had a much better day yesterday. I was much more prepared to handle BB and H. He was awake when we got there and was up for a good hour and a half or more. After he had his bottle he passed out and would sleep most of the afternoon. H and I played and watched the Incredibles.

The only thing that is going to drive me nuts - is if I can't get her to nap while we are there. She spent the last 30 minutes getting super fussy. I put her down in their pack n play - but she just kept getting up. Any secrets on helping me to get her to nap? That would be great. I know it's a new place and she is just excited.

On a completely seperate note -I've been in a slight blogging funk.. I haven't been around much at all - including commenting on all of your wonderful blogs. When I finally had checked my reader last night before I went to bed I had something like 567 posts to read. I have come to the conclusion I really need to clean up my reader. I think I am also going to revamp my blogroll. If you want on it please leave me a comment! I want to make sure I'm reading everyone who reads me!

My Blessing...

no title.

Today has gone much smoother than Monday for me. The baby has been so good. It's been quiet - especially without my toddler running around. I miss her though. I definitely enjoyed her as a baby, but I love seeing her run around and all of the little things she does. Yes, even the things that drive me crazy.

In other news... We have been debating between getting a Wii or a Playstation 3 for awhile now. We decided to go with the PS3. Not only can we play games on it, but it can also serve as our blu-ray disc player. We got it last night - and I must say I'm happy with it. We bought several games - I started Folklore last night. I am stopping by Game Stop on my way home to pick up a few more. (Yay stimulus check!) I'm glad we got the PS3 - playing in HD is awesome. We also went to Blockbuster and picked up Alvin and the Chipmunks to watch. What can I say, I love our electronic toys! We spend a lot of time at home so it is just one more thing we can do. After this though - we are going on a spending fast. We just spent enough that we don't need to do anything other than pay bills and buy groceries along with saving. That is IT!

I finished my first and second books. I finished the second one this morning and am about halfway through the third. (Yes, I read fast.) The baby slept for a good 3 hours this morning so I was able to get a lot of reading in.

Life is simple and boring at the moment. It's exactly the way I like it.

I do have to say I am amazed at the amount of comments I have gotten thanks to mommyfest. Thanks for all of you ladies who stopped by (and continue to do so!). I look forward to reading more of your awesome blogs.

My first taste..

I started my "new job" today. (For those who don't know I am watching my friend's almost 3 month old little boy at her house while she works from home).

Today was interesting. It gave me an idea of what is in store for me when we have another baby.

The strange part? I felt weird holding an infant. It's almost like I have forgotten what it felt like. Hailie is only 18 months old. They grow up WAY TOO FAST!

Most of the day was good. There were a few points where I was ready to pull my hair out and was asking myself what I was getting myself into. The baby was crying and Hailie was getting into everything as she typically does. It took me a good 15 minutes to get him calmed down while chasing her around. I felt awful when he was crying.

It was hard and tiring. I came home completely exhausted.

I have even more respect for you moms with more than one child now - especially those that are close in age!

I go back Wednesday. It'll be easier since Hailie will be home with her Daddy and she was definitely the toughest part of the day.

Giveaway!!

In honor of the mommyfest blog party I am having my first blog giveaway: a $25 dollar gift card from Amazon.

To be entered all you have to do is leave a comment here.. I will announce the winner on Saturday morning! I will e-mail the winner so make sure to be watching for it!

Make sure you check out my party/introduction post here

Mommyfest 2008!

I decided to participate because I thought it would be cool to get out and new people. So Welcome ladies! Get comfortable and make yourself at home!

For those checking out my blog for the first time here is a little about me - I am a 25 year old stay at home mom to my 18 month old daughter Hailie. I just recently went back to school this past semester to finish my degrees in political science and history - although I am on a break again at the moment. My husband and I are trying for #2.

I'm a homebody. I love reading, photography, music, and watching movies. I'm pretty simple. I decided to really get back into reading.. and I started the Life According to Frances Reading Challenge. My goal is to read 100 books I have never read before the end of the year. I started another blog to document it here. I just started so there isn't much there. I am about halfway through my first book now.

You can find me on cr8buzz - if you haven't been there before make sure you check out the site. It is fantastic - and full of some awesome people.

I am also on twitter.


I blog about my life in general - especially when it comes to my daughter. I was on livejournal up until January (there since 2003) when I decided to go blogger. There's no method to my madness - I just post about whatever is going through my head at the moment.

I look forward to "meeting" everyone!

To learn more about us check out our story:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

You can find lots of pictures here
and videos here

Be sure to check out my giveaway here!

What a find!

Anyone who knows me knows what a history buff I am. Anthony and I bought our first house last year - one that was built back in the 1950s. We've never used our attic because being that it is an old house it needs some work. Anyway - while cleaning out our garage today I decided to take a look up in there. I found two old campaign posters.. The first I thought was probably the coolest - that of Robert Yarborough (Senator from Texas in the 50s/60s.. and was present at Kennedy's shooting). More info on him here. The second poster is of another democrat who ran for governor but was defeated.

Totally awesome find for me!

Ask me anything...

I haven't done this before so I thought this would be fun.

Ask me anything you want. Just keep it PG, since you know - my parents and other family members read this blog.

Once I get a decent amount of questions I will post my answers.

Photohunt: Any Picture

I haven't participated the last couple of weeks, but I decided to this week.
Hailie enjoying time in her pool. It is this precious face that reminds me how truly blessed I am and how amazing God truly is. She has the tendency to bring a smile to my face when I am at my lowest. She is the most amazing gift I could ever receive.

And in honor of Mothers Day please check out the photos here

The worst thing about living in Texas...

It's not the threat of hurricanes. It's not the threat of flooding rains that occur every single year. it is not the insane summer heat and humidity.

It's the dreaded.....





tree roach.

Yes. I'm not talking small ones. I am talking the huge flying tree roaches. The ones that don't care whether your house is super clean or not.

They come out in droves in hot and humid weather. Unfortunately for us - we have a huge tree in the front yard that they are attracted to. I ran into SEVERAL in my garage last night (where my washer and dryer are located.)

I screamed. and I screamed loud. Needless to say we will have to treat this problem somehow - because I DO NOT WANT THOSE THINGS IN MY HOUSE!

I laid in bed awake forever last night thinking they were going to come in attack me.

I seriously though I was going to have roach infested dreams. ATTACK OF THE KILLER ROACH!

Mothers Day gifts.. and stuff.

So I got a couple of things on my list done today. Hailie and I went to breakfast.. My appetite is not entirely there. My sister in law Katy came over and went with us to Hobby Lobby. All that walking around we did led me to feeling weak so we came home. My trip to the bookstore will have to put off for a little bit.

I'm not exactly the most artsy craftsy person, but I thought I would make my mom, my mother in law, and step mother in law bags for Mothers Day. I'm going to give them their cards and some other little things inside the bag.

Doesn't it always happen this way?

Anthony has Wednesdays off. We had this whole day planned yesterday. We were going to get up, go eat breakfast at this wonderful local restaurant and run a bunch of errands including going to Half Price Books.

I was so excited. Then 1am rolled around. I woke up and stumbled my way into the bathroom where I proceeded to puke for about an hour. It was not pretty. For the next few hours I was up off and on. Hailie woke up at 4ish so Anthony went to take care of her and went to Walgreens to get something for me to take. Around 7ish Anthony woke up feeling much the same. We got up with Hailie and made our way to the living room where I laid on the couch - a position I didn't move from often yesterday. Luckily Hailie was not showing any signs of being sick so we called his mom and she got Grandma time. She came home around 6 yesterday evening and by this point we were both feeling better, but still weak.

I crashed about 8 last night. I got up at 7 this morning. I took a shower, and man do I feel so much better. I weighed myself - and I lost a ton of water weight.

So since I'm feeling better Hailie and I are going to get out of the house and go do some of the things I wanted to do yesterday.

1. Take my Hailiebug out for breakfast - french toast, bacon, orange juice.. yum!
   
2. Go to Hobby Lobby so I can get the things I need to make 4 Mothers Day gifts - my mom, my mother in law, my step mother in law, and my grandma.
3. Go to Half Price Books and get my mothers day gift.
4. Go shopping for an outfit for the mother daughter banquet I am going to with my mom tomorrow night.

That should keep me busy today.

I miss...

I miss the way friendships used to be so much easier.
I miss the days when people called just to say hi.
I miss the days when you could call someone out of the blue just to meet up for coffee and talk.
I miss the days when I was not on the outside looking in.
I miss the days when I didn't feel so invisible.


My life centers around two people who I am so incredibly blessed to have and most of the time I am content. There are those moments though, that the loneliness and stresses of life creeps up on me and the tears flow.

I decided to add a link to this post that I read right after I posted this initially. What an amazing post. I am fighting my own monsters right now and almost feel like I am losing. My mom is still there when I cry out and always knows what to say to keep those monsters at bay, even if it is only for a little while.

She listens to me cry as I struggle through my journey of being a wife and mom and everything that goes along with it. She listened when I struggled through high school and college. She is the best friend that has always been there... She encourages me in my faith - even in those moments like now when I struggle. She always reminds me to put my worries into God's hands.. Sometimes I forget that.

Doctors appt and some other news

My appointment was fairly uneventful.

Good news is I am down 12 lbs from my last visit and my blood pressure was in the normal range (it was elevated the last time).

She extended my prescription for metamorphine and gave me my prescription for clomid that I will start at the end of this month during my next cycle.

Only bad news is she said it is likely I will be on insulin during pregnancy. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I'm not surprised.

On another note - I got a job, sorta. My friend Shawna and I used to work together before I was laid off. She works at home and will be returning to work next week after having her adorable son Holden. I will be watching him 3-4 days a week for about 20-25 hours. I get to take Hailie with me, obviously. It's also extra money that will help us knock some of this debt out quicker.

I also woke up to our stimulus check being in the bank. Yay.

My peanut butter covered blue eyed girl.

Taken right before her bath this afternoon.

She has also figured out how to say No. When I went to towel dry her hair, all I heard was nononononononono!

Ways to keep your child entertained.

Yes I realize it is the same song in all clips. The child loves it. She constantly wants me to play it.

The joys of motherhood.

My beautiful little girl has basically been sleeping through the night since before she was a year old. We co-slept with her until she was one and it was her dad and I that suffered from a lack of sleep. She moved around constantly and we both were kicked in the stomach and punched in the face more times than we could count. When she was a year old we had to transition her to her crib and her room - because I was losing my mind at this point. She did fairly well and the transition for us was luckily an easy one.

However, last night was far from easy. We laid her down after we spent some time catching up with Aunt Erin and Uncle Rhyan (who live in Canada) over Skype. (On a completely non-related note, Skype is AWESOME. It's free for us to talk and we get to use a webcam/mic to talk to each other!)

I stayed up after she and Anthony had gone to bed catching up on my blog reading. I was also trying to edit several of the videos I have been taking of Hailie. For some reason the movies I have taken will not let me open them in either Windows Movie Maker or Muvee Autoproducer 6. I'm so FRUSTRATED! I decided to give up and picked up a book (Outlander by Diana Gabaldon). I read about 5 pages and decided to go to bed, or so I thought.

30 minutes after I went to bed Hailie woke up. It was 11:30. She was NOT happy. I picked her up and rocked her and calmed her down. I laid her back down and as soon as I went to walk back out of the room she started crying again. I grabbed a blanket and brought her to the living room and laid down with her on the couch. She kept wiggling around. Took her back to her room, laid her down, and went back to our room to go to sleep. 30 minutes or so go by and she wakes up again. Pick her up because I'm exhausted and take her back to our room. That didn't happen. Wiggle worm was all over the place and would not go to sleep. Back to bed she goes. 1 am rolls around and I have not slept much at all. Anthony gets up this time even though he has to get up in an hour. Tells her to lay down and comes back to bed. Anthony's alarm went off at 2 and I could hear her through the monitor babbling. Anthony took care of her then. She finally passed out.

Of course, I knew she would sleep late so I figured I could catch up on my sleep after that. Not so much. I woke up at 6:30 and it took me over an hour to fall asleep again. She started stirring around 9 so here I am now while she is eating breakfast.

This particular episode really reminds me how far I have come over the last 18 months in terms of patience. I have never been a patient person and have moments when I am quick to snap, even at Hailie. When she was a baby and wouldn't sleep I had moments where I just wanted to run away and cry. I was so frustrated. I was a new mom and felt like no matter what I did I couldn't keep my child happy. The worst was in those first few months when I was dealing with my PPD. I remember having to walk away from her and counting so I would calm down. I just wanted to yell and scream. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. At that point I remember asking myself how other people could do it. I felt like I was failing as a parent and was the worst mom in the world.

I eventually realized that this happens to a lot of people and I wasn't alone. Things got easier as she got older. My patience levels grew and I am much calmer when these types of events happen.

Need some input... and it's my 100th post!

So one of the things I have been thinking about is moving our office furniture into our den. The den currently serves as Hailie's play area/room we don't use often. My treadmill and Anthony's weight bench are there. It is right off of the kitchen.

We currently use our fourth bedroom as the office. Our house is set up a little weird. You have to walk through the office in order to get to our bedroom and bathroom. We basically have our own little suite. Obviously this room will never be a child's room, just because who would want their parents constantly walking through their room?

The room currently serving as our guest room will be our next child's room. My thinking is we could get a futon (or couch with a bed) and leave the tv in the office. We can move the treadmill and workout equipment into the office, making it into a sitting/workout room. It could also serve as a guest room when needed.

What do you guys think?

Should I leave the office as it is OR should I move the office to the den and use the office as a sitting/workout room?

Please excuse the mess in both rooms.. I have lots of work to do now that school is over!

Here is a picture of the office:

Here is a picture of the den right now:

Update - We decided to go ahead and move everything. Glad we did - the two rooms definitely have better feels to them now. Will post pictures soon.. Going through paperwork and getting rid of a lot of stuff!

And all that stuff.

Well, school is over for the semester. As it turns out, it's going to be over for awhile. My tuition bill for the summer was over $2600 for 11 hours, which would have to be paid out of pocket. Not happening. Fall isn't looking so great either at this point. The cost of education is unbelievably expensive. I am not surprised that so many people end up in a tremendous amount of debt relating to student loans.

We had to make a choice. Unfortunately I will be putting school on hold again. Anthony will continue to go and he should be done in no more than two years. At that point I will be able to go back to school.

I am going to still stay at home with Hailie. Money is much tighter than we expected on one income, but we will do what we can to make it. We have all been much happier with me at home, so the sacrifices we have to make are totally worth it. I broke down earlier due to the stress I was feeling. Thankfully both Anthony and my mom were there to listen to me cry and reassure me that things will be okay, and to put it in God's hands.

I will do what I can to make some extra cash. I will be raiding my book collection to sell anything that I will likely not read again. It is hard to part with any books - especially since my goal was to have a huge library. I will continue to take pictures on the side to bring in extra cash. We will do more to save on electricity, especially with summer approaching.

I have my doctors appointment on Tuesday and will be starting clomid. The next step in our attempt to concieve our second child. So far we have not had any luck, so my hope is the clomid will work.

The best part of my day was picking up Hailie, who spent most of yesterday and today with my parents while I was studying. I missed her so much and I wasn't away from her that long!

I just love how that smile brightens even the worse day for me. She is my reminder that life is short and so incredibly sweet.







Her eyes kill me. Seriously. They are exactly like her daddy's, and God knows how they make me melt.

We spent part of the afternoon playing in the yard. I really do love these days. The weather was nice and not too warm. I will be enjoying these days as much as I can - the Texas summer heat is just around the corner.

Happiness is...

...being done with finals!

It's over. Thank God.

Spending the rest of the weekend with the family, but will be back in full force Monday.

Only have a month off - got to make the most of it!

Jobs I've had... and wish I could have.

Got the idea from Huckdoll

Jobs I've had..

Administrative/Accounting Assistant - This is what I did for most of the time I've been in college and after I left. Hard work and underpaid. I really had no room for growth. I hated it.

Bookseller at Barnes & Noble - LOVED it. I wish I could still work there. It's just not enough money and I'd spend all my paychecks there. In fact - it was a second job so I could support my book habit.

Retail - Yes I worked the Gap. Spent most of my money on clothes. Also back when I was thin and still looked good.


Jobs I wish I could have..

Teacher-This one is easy. It's why I am in school. I love history and would love to share that with other kids. I had several teachers in school that had such a HUGE impact on me and I want to be able to have someone say that about me one day.

Writer - I spent hours writing "my novels" in notebooks my aunt would buy me. I did it constantly. My writing skills are okay -but I would love to just write. My brain is full of so many ideas. One of the things I want to do when school is done is start writing a book.

You know, I really can't think of anything else. Am I sad?!

I think being a mom is the best job I could ever have and definitely the hardest. I know it's cliche - but she is my greatest accomplishment. I love being at home with her. I love teaching her things.

This is what I do instead of studying.

Part III: Hailie's arrival.

Most of my pregnancy was uneventful. I would end up in the hospital once for dehydration, and another at 32 weeks when I had a kidney infection that would put me into pre-term labor. Luckily they were able to stop them so home we went.


Here is Hailie's birth story.

I was having a ton of trouble sleeping the last month or so of the pregnancy. Sunday (11/5) was no different. I was constantly getting up to go to the bathroom and playing on the computer since I couldn't sleep. I finally laid down again to sleep after going to the bathroom at about 11pm..

I felt this weird almost like a pop and then felt the water - I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I was freaking out.. I sat there for a minute to try and let it all come out... it stops but every time I got up it just kept coming out.. It finally stopped long enough for me to get dressed and get a pad on. We called our families.. Anthony started packing the car with all the bags so we could go.. well we get in the car and it doesn't start! So we have to transfer everything into the truck.

We haul butt to the hospital and got there at about 11:30-45. My parents and grandma were already there.. they helped Anthony take everything up. We had called my doctors office on the way since my water broke and we knew since she was breech we would have to have an emergency c-section. Got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the IV and pumped me full of fluids.. did the ultrasound to confirm she was still breech. Also gave me some medicine to neutralize my stomach since I had eaten dinner..

Once the doctor got there they took me back to the OR.. I got my epidural and that was fantastic.. the nurses and doctor that administered the epi was fantastic.. kept me calm and lord knows I needed to be.. I started getting the shakes because I was really cold. Doctor came in - and they started. I didn't even realize they had started. I asked Anthony who looked over and saw they had already cut me..only thing I felt was the pressureof them pulling her out. She was born at 2:01 am on November 6, 2006 and was 8 lbs 5 oz - 19 1/2 inches long. She scored 8,9 on the Apgars.. She was taken to the nursery and was given oxygen because she did have fluid in her lungs and was given a slight bit of formula due to her blood sugar being slightly low.

I was taken back to recovery and I had the shakes for a good two hours.. I think my mom was a little scared about that, but I knew it was normal. They then took me to my post partum room and they finally brought her to me around 5amish. She stayed with us most of that day.. We had SO many people come up.. At about 11 they took her to the nursery so I could sleep because I had been up almost 48 hours.. 5am she was brought back to me and was with me for almost the entire rest of the time we were in the hospital.

Instead of bombarding you all with pictures here is a video of the first three months of Hailie's life. I took lots of pictures.